This last week I got hit pretty hard with a rough bout of bronchitis. Earlier today I had to go over to the clinic to get my meds in a nebulizer.
Not fun.
Still, it was as good a moment as any to check in with one of my cousins. He had written that he and his girlfriend have broken up (again). He wanted to vent and I just wanted oxygen. So it was a perfect moment for us to catch up. I called, told him what I was doing, then said, “talk while I breathe”.
Talk he did. Every so often I would let him know I was still paying attention with an “Uh-huh” or “Nu-unh” as he kept on.
This is the fourth time they split. I’m hoping it’s the last (Shhh!). He’s a silly fun-loving guy. She’s always serious and never smiles. They never did things together (maybe eat).
The break-up call this time was his: She has an ex box.
That’s right, a box fell from the top of the closet and out came little mementos and pictures of relationships past. Love notes, cards, even pressed-dried flowers!
She said it was no big deal. “It doesn’t mean anything”, she stated. If it meant nothing, he replied, then he could just toss it. “I’ll hide it better,” she offered.
Hmm?
You know what? Someone mentioned this to me while back. That it was understandable to have the elusive stash of ex-souvenirs. I didn’t say much more than, “I don’t have that”. To which I was met with a look of shock.
It’s true. I don’t have that (Sorry exes!). Once it’s definitively over, I have to move on. Why would I keep anything to remind me of the beautiful time we shared (that came to a screeching halt and ripped my heart to shreds)? I don’t want to keep the wonderful things you said you felt unless you still feel them. I want to look over the love we shared while together. Not reminisce over what I had when I’m with someone else. What the heck?!
My friends know that I am a really sensitive person when it comes to matters of the heart. I’ve been hurt a lot. So it takes a very long time for me to trust people. And when I love, it’s unconditional. Which usually sucks for me. In fact, my mother has said, “You can’t love this way or live for love the way you do, because no one will ever love you back like that”.
Ahh, leave it to mom to smack me in the face with a steaming pile of reality.
Maybe that’s why I don’t have a box hidden away with pictures of a past love. Mostly though, I just don’t get it.
At the end of a relationship for me, the first thing to go is the mattress. If I’m going to share my bed with someone new, I definitely don’t want my ex’s dust-mites hanging around.
If we bought something together, I let the ex take it away. Friends get dibs then it’s off to Goodwill! They actually had an awesome campaign with billboards around town saying things like, “Cheating jerk ex? Give us his stuff”.
That’s right! Even Goodwill is saying to move on you have to move it out.
I know I’ll get some flack for this, but I just don’t understand. Why keep a box or drawer of things of a relationship from years ago? Unless you have that hope, unless you are still in love, unless you are going to end up with that person come hell or high water… Then fight on and get that love back.
Otherwise, with Frozen-esque flair I say, “Let it go”.
Don’t get me wrong, I have things that belonged to my grandparents. I have little things that spark a memory of someone dear… But not a relationship.
Honestly, do you keep the wrapper to every great candy bar you ever had? Would you go to the hot new restaurant in town then ask for the same tired tuna melt from the neighborhood diner? Nope, you get something new, you eat it up, burn off the calories and live to dine another day!
I have to side with my cousin on this one.
He’ll find someone better. Someone funner. Someone that will spend loads of hours cuddling with him in front of a fire.
Maybe playing with his Xbox.
JUST 1 M 